For some couples, divorce is a relatively straightforward process. They may only need to discuss basic financial matters. They may only have shared a household for a few years. There could be a prenuptial agreement making the terms of a divorce clear. Such couples may be able to negotiate uncontested divorces relatively quickly.
When married couples share children, divorce becomes substantially more complex. Parents may struggle to adjust to shared custody arrangements. The transition can also be relatively difficult for the children in the family as well. Parents are in a position to make divorce a little less traumatic for their children with a thoughtful approach.
Find ways to cooperate, if possible
The more that parents work together and demonstrate sharing the same expectations for the children, the easier it is for the children to adjust to the new arrangement. Especially when initially telling the children about the upcoming changes, demonstrating that the parents still intend to work cooperatively is of the utmost importance.
Parents may need to establish numerous rules ahead of time including expectations for communication and the academic performance of their children. They need to be ready to answer difficult questions about the divorce and the impact it could have on the children’s lives.
Shield the children from conflict
Research consistently shows that fights between parents are a big part of what makes divorce so damaging for children. The fewer conflicts the children witness, the easier it may be for them to accept the new reality and heal.
Parents should try to remain positive about one another when talking to the children and should encourage the children to spend as much time with each other as possible. They should avoid airing their grievance about one another with others in front of the children whenever possible.
Prioritize consistency and predictability
Children thrive when they understand the rules and have a regular routine. The more that parents can synchronize their routines and standards between households, the easier it is overall for the children to adjust to the new arrangement.
Trying to be flexible with one another as both parents try to adapt to viewing each other as co-parents rather than romantic partners can be challenging in the early stages of a divorce. Parents who keep the focus on their children can use them as motivation to cooperate with one another, if possible and appropriate.